I love Twin Peaks. It completely captivates me. I love Agent Cooper, and I want to marry him. I am also SO disturbed by the events on the series. I experience times when I don't think I've ever been more creeped out in my life.
On a different note: work is work and play is play, and I try to enjoy both. I have struck a strange chord with myself. I get so tired working and long to be enjoying my free time, and then I spend my free time feeling unsatisfied with the way I'm spending it. I have days where I'll clean, collage, play the keyboard for a bit, make food, read part of a book, watch something, and maybe even exercise! It is these days I should be happier that I am motivated to be doing anything that lovely with my time. Instead I hold it against myself that it's not good enough. Maybe I believe there is some higher purpose to my life and I keeping myself from it. I do not know how exactly to find it. I do not know that it lives in New York. I dream about going to Greece and teaching English. But will that make me stop seeking this moment or whatever it is that will make me finally truly content with everything? I have the feeling that is a constant force in life that keeps me and many others moving. Forward, I hope.
One thing that really gets me about Twin Peaks is that it can be a bit dramatic at times, and the situations can be so insane, but sometimes a character will suddenly get really real with everyone. So real that I can't believe it was said. That the networks let these jewels shine on television.
i leave you with this:
7 comments:
Perhaps you're missing the joyful feeling of giving. There are plenty of opportunities in NY for service. Working soup lines, rocking AIDS babies in hospitals, getting involved in a charity (or starting your own). Public service is very rewarding and nothing will make you feel better than helping someone else or bringing joy to those less fortunate. Whatever you do, find something that stokes your PASSION. Who knows, you may even be able to turn it into a living. It happens all the time. When I lived in NY I taught english to my mexican co workers three mornings a week. They wanted to learn so badly that they would spend the night sleeping in the booths of the restaurant to be there at 8am the next morning because the trains to Brooklyn took so long to get home and back. Need is everywhere. You just have to make the commitment. It will fill your heart with goodness and joy.
It's me again. You can also use your theatre training. I was part of a small group that volunteered through college to teach teenage theatre workshops through the YMCA. You can use theatre to teach school kids conflict resolution and how to handle their emotions by providing them scenarios and letting them act them out. Lots of good stuff. The world is your oyster!
Well, you got got.
I love Twin Peaks so much.
It was really great talking with you yesterday, thanks to this post.
you should chat with Marion if you are thinking about Greece. You should chat with her anyway because she's awesome. Also she is insanely talented and although i am sure tormented at times like you describe (and we all feel) she can inspire you.. plus ny just puts all that on top of you to crush you... but its not necessarily a bad thing.
I haven't even checked your blog in so long! And I'm so excited you guys are enjoying Twin Peaks. And Agent Cooper.
I look forward to finding out what satiates you. If there is something that satiates you. Sometimes I'm not willing to admit my desire because I feel guilty for wanting, but I'm usually better as soon as I admit it, often, I don't even need to do it, I just need to admit it.
Sometimes I think that I should take more risks, like moving to a foreign country, but really, for me, that would just be distracting. I don't need more risk, I need to put forth more effort in everything I do. I'm frightened to put up my art-work in my workplace, or to organize a club. Those are challenges and risks for me.
I don't know about you, but it'll be interesting to find out what you do, especially since you've already had a couple of months.
Sometimes I consciously ask myself "If I had everything that I desire, would I be satiated?" Maybe I want to want, all the time. It moves me, it makes me dynamic.
So then I can enjoy refining my desires, until I realize that I just want what I have to be enough. Then it's a matter of appreciating it, then trying to share appreciation with others. That's when it gets to SAT's point. No one is interested in the pictures you can see in the woodgrain if they are hungry. But at no point will I be rocking Aids babies in hospitals.
Basho passed a child on the road who had been orphaned. He felt pity for it, but did nothing, he hoped someone else would take care of the child so that he would be able to continue on his journey and whine about the rain while visiting another arbitrary shrine. This is when his poetry looses it's validity. If he leaves the child on the road, then he is useless. But I still enjoy the poetry for what it is. Basho was willing to admit that he did not want to help the child, I respect him for that.
It's interesting, the need to do, the doing. Thanks for bringing it up.
clyde, your comment moves me.
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