can you believe i got a guy that looks like this?! i mean, gosh. he's like some sort of super beauty. i don't know why god loves me. but i thank him.
so today was nice. when justin left to go back after his incredible surprise visit, i went into another mini depression. it was really short but very intense. i guess i'm coming out of it, but i still feel pretty down about where i am a lot of the time. i love my friends here, and i cannot deny the great opportunities, but sometimes it is just too much. too much concrete, too much fragrance (or odor would be more fitting), too much trash, too much money, too little money depending on where you go, too much dissatisfaction. i don't want the magic of visiting this place to be gone forever. but i guess it couldn't be. there really is something wonderful about bing here. temporarily. without too much work stress. making life work can be a hard road here, and nobody but nobody wants to give you a hand. sometimes i really feel it is my neighborhood that makes me feel so hopeless. probably because i don't see a lot of hopeful people around me. but anyway, today was great.
my internship is amazing. i learn a lot. every day. and i work for the coolest people out there in casting. they are so appreciative and warm and helpful, and they pay me! i know they like me, too. i couldn't imagine working for anyone else. i couldn't imagine being anyone else's intern, that's for sure. there are so many agencies and casting offices out there with tons of stressed out people running around like assholes with their shit flying all over and i get to be in a cute little office with two very intelligent, kind, generous, and good-humored people who love what i do for them. i am very lucky for that.
i miss justin pretty bad. but i think about him constantly and that seems to help a little. seeing his face is good too. i'm so happy i took so many pictures of him with my camera. although i wish i had taken a hundred more. especially during the days we were in winston salem. i wish i had more of the family. and charlotte and zero. and reagan and jenny. oh lord.
2 comments:
i'm really glad the internship is so awesome. i envy you to be working in such a positive environment, especially one in a field you have such interest in. and i'm glad that you're feeling more positive in general. you're such a cutie. i know new york is tough times, and we should really be in the countryside in a beautiful cottage growing vegetables and braiding each other's hair, but there's still so much to get out of where we are now. i hope it keeps getting better.
I wonder constantly if being here is worth the distance from you. Since re-arriving I lean hard towards the fact that Nepal's got nothing on you.
But that kickass internship makes me feel a thousand times better about leaving. I'm glad it's stimulating you in the right ways.
Here's to combining our powers.
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