waiting is

i still love Blogspot

2010-02-10T22:22:00.002-05:00

I may occasionally still post to this blog, so don't erase it from your computer. However, I've recently started a wordpress blog that is more themed around my inspirations and meditations. I just learned Transcendental Meditation, and I wouldn't say the door h been blown off my world perspective, but I am experiencing positive changes. And they are helping me remain happy and healthy in times of stress. And that's really special.
Anyway, the address is http://niceowl.wordpress.com/

check it out!

My Goldfish is Dying

2010-02-08T01:06:00.002-05:00

I lost my movie, and I'm broke.

Why do I feel so good?

fall into it

2009-09-01T22:11:00.014-04:00

Some of my favorite pictures from my recent visit to virginia:

and the token picture of me with the baby:

it was a great weekend, and i love and miss my family all the time. lucky i'm going back this weekend too. but this time i'm also going to get to see this gem...

can't wait anna!

love to my mom's garden. inspirational:

also before i go i want to say thanks to charlotte for the fashion inspiration. but also thanks to elizabeth james. thanks mary - kate and ashley...

i can't remember the last time i saw clothes i wanted so bad. well that's not true. i work in chelsea. i see things constantly.

the boots on the top left are my absolute favorite.

and thank you justin and icarus. obviously

and thank you wine, coffee, chocolate, and cheese. and olives.

my favorite food groups.

things are looking up.

xoxo

Neon Robot

2009-05-17T02:44:00.004-04:00

so we're gonna start a band called Neon Robot and i hope we'll be a little something like this:

then we can all dance at the venue i open called Garbage Pail Williamsburg Big Space Play Loud. can't wait to see you there!

Reconnection

2009-05-14T01:15:00.002-04:00

Some things are happening.

I love Twin Peaks. It completely captivates me. I love Agent Cooper, and I want to marry him. I am also SO disturbed by the events on the series. I experience times when I don't think I've ever been more creeped out in my life.

On a different note: work is work and play is play, and I try to enjoy both. I have struck a strange chord with myself. I get so tired working and long to be enjoying my free time, and then I spend my free time feeling unsatisfied with the way I'm spending it. I have days where I'll clean, collage, play the keyboard for a bit, make food, read part of a book, watch something, and maybe even exercise! It is these days I should be happier that I am motivated to be doing anything that lovely with my time. Instead I hold it against myself that it's not good enough. Maybe I believe there is some higher purpose to my life and I keeping myself from it. I do not know how exactly to find it. I do not know that it lives in New York. I dream about going to Greece and teaching English. But will that make me stop seeking this moment or whatever it is that will make me finally truly content with everything? I have the feeling that is a constant force in life that keeps me and many others moving. Forward, I hope.

One thing that really gets me about Twin Peaks is that it can be a bit dramatic at times, and the situations can be so insane, but sometimes a character will suddenly get really real with everyone. So real that I can't believe it was said. That the networks let these jewels shine on television.

i leave you with this:

Thanks to Daniel...

2009-03-17T00:20:00.005-04:00

So. I had a great time in VA this past weekend. There's a couple things that happened that I just needed to share with all of you. For accounts of the baby, visit my sister's blog, and she'll tell you how Samantha did. She was so well behaved and so very adorable.

Um.. but Daniel showed me some disturbing videos that I'd like to share with you now. The first two are by a band from the 90's called The Kelly Family. I have never heard of these people. Daniel remembers them. Apparently well enough to find their videos on youtube and then show them to his friends. I could not believe they were real.

Here's the first one: Every Baby

Wow. You don't have to watch all of it to see how weird this is. Truly. She is clearly losing it, as Daniel called, wailing out, and the rest of the family is in the middle ages. Okay, so here's the next one. I think it's a better representation of how crazy they are:

I'm in Love with an Alien:

Doesn't it take you to another world? Oh my gosh, it's crazy. About 2:20 you can see the strange way the aliens greet him. The alien, who is delineated as having big white hair. I can't explain to you what world I went to when I watched these, but I've never been there before, and I don't know that I'll ever return.

Then there's Abba:

So, the sound is off a little. But the point of this is not the song itself. The only thing you really need to watch is the first 20 seconds where they are dancing to the intro. It makes me REALLY want to start a band with Justin, Charlotte, and Zero. Cause we could be doing THAT.

I love you all.
Thanks Daniel.

That's What Friends Are For

2009-03-06T23:41:00.005-05:00

good days. bad days. in between.

this is what's getting me through. honestly, why isn't anyone taking more videos of Luci and putting them on youtube? I'm dying here.

Oh World.

2009-02-05T02:04:00.014-05:00

So, Alexis asked me to go to the fourth folder on my pictures folder and choose the fourth picture to explain. well the fourth folder happened to be empty, and the fifth folder happened to have a pretty unflattering picture of Alexis the day before Sam was born as the fourth photo, so I went with the third folder and the fourth photo in that folder.

This is Charlotte on New Year's Eve. This was early in the evening before things got rowdy. I think she's doing very well and her pose is quite cute. It's kind of an aw, shucks pose. We had a great New Year's at my house this year and so many of my closest friends were there to surround me with love. LUCKY!

Since New Year's I have been working at the restaurant, applying for new and interesting jobs, and being inspired by almost everything I come into creative contact with. Here are just a few of these inspirations:

Now, I've known of Kate Bush's music for quite some time thanks to Charlotte. She's been a wife and an inspiration to me for a long time, but I had never really let myself fall deeply enough into her music to seriously understand her or it the way I do now.
I spent an entire week downloading her discography, reading every article I could find, watching every youtube video, and of course, dancing around my apartment to her songs. It's been lovely.

The God of Small Things. I hope that you will at least consider reading this amazing novel. It broke my heart a million times. It is a book that I wish I could have written, and by that I also mean that I believe it is written the way that I would want to write a book. I don't yet know if those mean the same thing.
Please read this book. If you have had any experience with India or South Asia, I believe this book will have special significance to you, but also if you find great significance in personal history, then I think this book will rock you.

Name All The Animals by Alison Smith got me. This is one I really want my mom to read. I'm so very lucky to be personally familiar with the author of this memoir. Reading her novel was so revealing and truly the most intimate way to understand someone's past. It was strange seeing her afterwards because I wanted to tell her so many things about the way her book made me feel, but instead I just told her I loved it. It was a profound experience for me. It's a special book for siblings.

This is the picture of Alison and her brother that was used for the UK release of the novel. It is the cover she prefers, but I couldn't find a picture of the cover anywhere online.

Well every day I find more. I started reading Fables the other day. It's getting me. Not only is the art amazing, but the stories are twisted and so fun. I haven't read a comic book series in so long. It's so fun to go back into a fantasy world. I really need it right now.

Well, Justin and I are getting ready for a weekend of visitors. Catherine has a presentation this weekend, and Marcus, Justin, Charlotte, and I are going to be there to support her. Zero and Charlotte are taping it for them, and they're all going to come here for Saturday night! We're going to have snacks and movies all night long. YES! Now that's real inspiration for you.

Well I'll leave you with a couple of final thoughts.

my hilarious niece! (picture stolen from Alexis' blog.)

kate bush, i love you.

Merry Christmas!!

2008-12-25T19:52:00.014-05:00

I've had a wonderful christmas with my family!
We're all waiting for my little niece or nephew, and the doctor's have decided to induce Alexis on Saturday morning. I am sad she may not be able to let the baby come on its own, but I am very happy that we know now when it's coming, and I am more happy that I will be here when it comes! Here are some pictures from this wonderful christmas morning:

Those are just the big ticket items. Alexis and Pete didn't have a no gifts code this year. So they really went for it. My mom had a different idea for giving this year, and I'm happy to say that I love all the cool stuff she gave me. Most of it is stuff I grew up with in her home that she knew I always liked, and some stuff was new, but not a lot.
Here are some of my favorites. My flickr has all of my gifts if you want to check it out. Including Justin's.

These are paper stars that I can hang at the house. I love them.

These are Justin's presents. The journal is a new item that mom picked up. It's gorgeous and I think Justin is really going to love it.

This is a vintage magazine rack that belonged to Aunt Frankie years ago. It's so art deco, I think it's great. I'm not really that into magazine racks or anything, but I've seen stuff in the galleries going for a lot of money. I am very happy to receive this as a gift. (Aside from the monetary value, obviously.)

This is a really cool luncheon set that my mom's friend Mark gave to her a while back. Mom bought the cups separately, and now I get to use them with my guests. I am also very pleased to have the new sauce pot! and garlic press!
Anyway, the rest of the presents are on flickr, and I love all of it.
It was a very successful Christmas for all of us. And in two days, we'll have a new addition to our family! I can't wait to take pictures and show everyone my new family!
Merry Christmas. I hope everyone had a great day with their families, or friends, or loved ones. I miss Justin, but I know his family is taking wonderful care of him in North Carolina. I talked to everyone this morning and they sounded happy and full of spirit. Especially Jenny who told me that she couldn't talk to me right now cause she was in the middle of a go fish game.

Here's a picture of cutie Alexis to say goodbye to you all.

Just kidding. But every time I look at this picture it makes me laugh hysterically.
Ok, here's an actually cute one:

Ok, gotta go be with the family.

My Apartment

2008-12-08T11:39:00.004-05:00

Ok everyone. I finally did it. We had a party on Friday night and I got the house done just in time. Now, as you've all been wating for, pictures of my apartment. I'm pulling them right off my Flickr

just so you know. Those of you who have already seen them there, you don't have to go through it all again.

So, sure some things are still likely to change, and I am also still working the kinks out of things like, how do I hide anything when there's nowhere to hide! So, I'm sure things will change slightly as I get used to living in so much open space.

But the party was fun. Clean up was very easy, and I think Lauren had a great birthday! One thing though. I spilled candle wax on one of my dining room chairs. They are made out of fabric. And already dirty. They need to be cleaned, but I'm not sure how. Any suggestions on how to get not only dirt but candle wax out of the chairs?

Hope you enjoyed.

I feel somehow lighter

2008-11-05T14:47:00.003-05:00

This is how I feel today...

I can't believe how much expectation Obama is going to enter the White House with, but somehow I just kind of trust him. It was crazy in NY last night. People at work this morning told stories of screaming and horns and celebrations until 3 in the morning. Men wept openly in the restaurant where Lisa worked. VIRGINIA WENT BLUE! People are smiling in the streets today.

I really wish Hunter Thompson was alive to see this. I have no idea who he really was, but I can say that he would have been moved by yesterday's election. I think when he left us he had lost all sense of that hope that we clung to yesterday when we cast our votes. But he went too soon cause I believe he could have felt it too. Somewhere along his spine maybe... or hell, even his heart. I'll take a drink to that.

We miss you.

What's My Line

2008-10-23T16:40:00.004-04:00

Hi everybody. In searching for a video clip for my English teaching course, I have been watching a lot of youtube, mostly Groucho Marx and old television game shows. One very interesting clip I came across is a little long, but delightfully entertaining. I hope even those family members who most surely don't watch all the dumb videos I post will watch this one for the fun of it. I have fallen deeply in love with What's my Line.

Two nights ago, Justin and I went to see a movie we stumbled upon called "Stranded: I Have Come From A Plane that Crashed in the Mountains." I was very excited and interested to see the film since I had done a report in college researching the 1972 plane crash that left what remained of an Uruguayan rugby team and their friends and family to find survival for 72 days in the Andes. The movie was made by a filmmaker who has been friends with some of the survivors since boyhood, and he wanted a chance to tell the story the right way from each survivors mouth. He actually interviewed all 16 survivors and joined them on a trip back to the crash site 30 years later and filmed the reunion.
http://www.strandedthefilm.com/

This movie was incredibly moving. I cried so many times just watching it, and then afterwards there was a talk back with the filmmaker and Fito Strauch who was one of the 16 survivors. It was amazing. I felt truly honored to be in his presence and to have been at the premiere of this film. Afterwards, Justin and i said thanks to the director, I started crying all over again and we left to head back into the civilized world where the trains were full of stupid people and food was wasted everywhere and being sold at expensive prices. I was stuck in a daze for a long time. I tried to think of what it would be like to come back to life from where they had been. Would you just be happy to be alive? Would you love to go to that job? Would you love to be on that crowded train? Or would you wonder if there wasn't something more that kept you from giving in to death on the cold rough mountain peaks? It was a weird night after that film.

I strongly recommend it.

Love
Nicole

Ps: if we ever find ourselves in a similar situation my friends, and I pass on before the rest, I would be honored for you to use my body to keep yourself alive. And that's my final word.

Showalter's Showalter with Michael Cera

2008-10-23T13:02:00.001-04:00

I love this.

Bonsai Bonanza!

2008-10-16T15:03:00.002-04:00

Tonight is the opening of All MY Sons. The producers sent these little trees to our office, one for each of us, how sweet!
The picture is terrible because it's my camera ohone and I work inside a dungeon and there isn't a trace of sunlight to be found. I'm sure some of you out there know about what this is like.
Anyway, Justin and I are looking forward to the opening show and the big party afterwards, and you better believe I spent a million hours finding the right outfit for tonight. I originally picked the beautiful red dress that I wore to Alexis' wedding rehearsal dinner, and then I decided last night that I wanted something more elegant and less attention grabbing, so I picked out a beautiful lace white shirt tucked into waist high wide legged black pants. Both with black pumps. And a million outfits later.

Well, when I told Adam I changed my mind about what to wear, he told Cindy and then I got a text from her saying, "Freak, wear the red dress!"

And I pretty much do whatever she tells me to, so Kiersten was nice enough to bring it into the city for me! Now, I have my red dress and I'm all ready to go.
I'm sure you loved reading about that business. I mean I really value Justin's opinion, but he was so over watching me try on every nice outfit I had that he didn't really care anymore, and I wish my sisters had been around to help me out! I kept saying, I wish Alexis were here to make this easier.That's so annoying, I can't just do anything on my own volition; I have to get everyone else's approval first. That's my own mess of person making its way into all my life's problems. I'll work on that later when I'm older. For now, I wil have a great time tonight and be thinking about all of you, when I'm not too drunk off the free booze to think anymore.

Love you!

PS: i couldn't post this until the next day so it's actually all happened already. It was amazing, and I'll tell you all about it later!

INTRODUCING...

2008-10-14T23:33:00.006-04:00

I told Justin he should use this picture as his headshot. I think it could help him get a lot of work up here in the big apple.

That's actually the inspiration for this post, but since I'm already writing, I should probably tell you about how fun it was going to PA for Alexis' baby shower.

It was really nice to see Alexis. She let me touch her belly when the baby was moving. I was just telling Justin it was really beautiful and not like gobliny or alieny at all. We painted the baby's room. Mom and I worked hard trying to get Alexis to stay out of the room, but she made her way in a couple times and managed to get some work done on her own.
This is the color we painted it:

I'm telling you in person its a bit more of an intense blue green. I loved it. It was bright and happy, and quite gender neutral. I'm so exited about that damn baby peanut. I just keep thinking about the little one moving in her belly! Alexis is one of those hot pregnant girls. Her body looks exacly as tiny and pretty as ever, but she has a big old bun in her oven! (And I'm not talking about her butt).
Mom said it hasn't hit her yet. I really think it hit me. And I'm totally excited about being an aunt! I mean, I love my friend's children, and i feel like Jenny and Reagan are practically my family, and I actually want to die when i think about how much i love them all but this is like, a baby that has my bloodline closer than any other. I'm gonna be exploding with love for that cutie. You gotta see the onesies mom helped me get for Alexis. One of them is a tiny little colorful kimono. I love it!

WEll, I'm spent.

Justin says hey nicole pepper and he's knows someone that's stronger than me. but he also sends his love out there.
Just scroll on back up and check out that picture of him in case you forgot what he truly looks like.

i am no slave to my blog

2008-10-06T14:38:00.002-04:00

as we all know. just now i realized that i don't have to write a big entry just to post something. sure it's been a few months since my last dumb post, but all i want to do is just say "hi."

Hi.

my jaw just dropped

2008-08-05T21:37:00.005-04:00

the portishead you wish you knew:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yF-GvT8Clnk

I cant embed this file, but you've GOT to see it.

SERIOUSLY???!!!
They are my favourite band. I know I posted about the Talking Heads already, and I really love them too... but these guys?

I was reading about them online and found a really cool thread on the Brooklynvegan website that was intelligent and interesting and then this is how it ended:

If anyone knows when they will in nyc, please post information....Love Portishead!

Posted by india | May 20, 2008 9:53 PM

your mom loves portishead.

Posted by Anonymous | May 28, 2008 4:22 PM

I thought it was priceless.

My Theme for Today

2008-07-22T10:09:00.002-04:00

I walked into work after one of those mornings where the last thing you can actually handle is having to get out of your bed, especially with the love of your life laying there next to you looking all sleepy and cute, but I did anyway, and here I am opening my email and seeing a most delightful video from Marcus.
And now I will share it with you. I think it's going to help me get through today.

Thanks Marcus and Catherine.

I love you, Animal.

why the talking heads are one of the best bands ever

2008-07-14T00:29:00.009-04:00

thank yous go to mattie mark. even though charlotte and zero are probably the only ones who will watch it all the way through, i would like to point out how much of a wife tina weymouth is (the bassist). i've never seen her look more hot and muscly. every person on stage is killing themselves with superpower funk energy and they are all generally tearing it up. i love every song. if you go to the youtube page you can see some other excellent clips from this show, specifically cross-eyed and painless and psycho killer. there's great crowd shots in that one, and tina wears a funny jacket. close ups of david byrne are also incredible.
his voice is one of the best to listen to and only second to his dancing skills. i've never seen anyone of the like.

A+. also, if you read the comments on born under punches you'll see that they are all positive and complimentary. know why? because the band is simply one the greatest ever.

oh gosh, cuties!

in other news...

i went to a party and danced and danced and danced last night. it was very fun. i haven't danced so much in so long. i was coming out of Lobo, the restaurant where I work, and saw sean casey and mike leosi across the street at the bodega. i yelled to them and it turned out Jack was having a big party in his and Michelle's basement and The Golden Kittens (Sean, Mike, and Michelle) were having their first show! What a night I had. I got a great surprise evening filled with fun and wonderful friends and Jack's djing is always on point, so I danced my heart out. i met Nate for the first time, who is great friends with Jack and used to live here and shot films with him, and now works at a satellite american apparel store to Zero in Portland. He was rad. Then my friend Sergio that I met living in Carrboro with Charlotte and Zero was in town for one night and came out to the party with his friend who ended up living right across the street! It was a night of wonderful connections and so much love! Here are some wonderful pictures of The Golden Kittens. Some of the best moments from their show was their cover of As the World Falls Down from Labyrinth and a recently written original called the Woo Song. the lyrics mostly consisted of "WOOOOO." And also "Thank You, Dr. Zizmor." I couldn't have asked for a better show.

Justin was supposed to come in at 11pm tonight. His flight got cancelled from Minnesota. It didn't even get delayed, it got straight cancelled. I couldn't believe it. Now, I'm alone (naturally) and can't get to sleep thinking about him in the Minnesota airport all night by himself hating it all (actually just accepting it all gracefully) and trying to get some rest. He'll be home on another flight at 10:45 tomorrow. That's 45 minutes after I get to work in the morning.

This is what I looked like on the outside when he called and told me:

But this is what happened inside:

well, at least i know i'll see him tomorrow. bye for now.

My Stupid Life

2008-06-26T13:47:00.007-04:00

The title of this post refers to my work versus my free time these days. I guess you can guess which one I have more of.

This goes out to me beautiful sister who I hope had a loverly lovely birthday this year. I am a total jerk for not contacting her until now, but Jessica, I mean Sissica, I hope this year turns out to be one of your best.

Hilarious. I love you, Jess. You're one of the best people in this whole world, and i am seriously lucky to have you in my life. I wish I had you more!!!!!!!! The last two photos are from when Jess came to visit recently and the fist one is her prior visit. I loved seeing her. Especially the second time because she was staying in such a nice hotel and everything was so posh and sleek. And she wasn't dying from allergies.

The next few pictures are from the EXCELLENT visit I made to Philadelphia to see my other beautiful (and PREGNANT!) sister Alexis and the inspiration for the trip being the visit from Lee and Katie and the girls! Seeing them was SO nice. It was like a little taste of what used to be when I could see them whenever I wanted practically, and I felt so relaxed and it was altogether a great time. I also finally got to meet Mario, Katie's brother. He was so nice, he gave me a ride home to my sister's house. Jenny was excited to meet my sister when we got there, and she's so charming, I think Alexis grew even more excited about baby time!! Or peanut time, i should say. I haven't uploaded any of my pictures from the visit yet because I am dumb. I ahve been working so much that I haven't gotten the time. But here are some I took with my cell phone. They are all of the kids:

I like how most of the pictures are of them sleeping. We were on top of the tour bus and Reagan quickly passed out. Jenny slept less, but somehow I have more pictures of her during that time. Cuties. The last two are of Jenny on the rockclimbing thingy at the museum.
To end it all: Here is a blurry bad photo of when Kiersten and I went to see William Gibson be interviewed and read selections from Spook Country. It was a blast!

Once more before I go I want to give a shout out to my sister, and one of my BEST friends, Jess. If she only knew how much I love her and hate myself.

Nepal continued...

2008-06-04T13:40:00.006-04:00

Ok. So I uploaded some more pictures onto my flickr account last night. These are the photos from when Charlotte and Zero were there with me. Here's my Flickr page if you want to see them all

http://www.flickr.com/photos/niceowl/

We had so much fun together. There was a day when Charlotte felt pretty ill, and I decided to stay home with her and the boys went out together. It was a good thing too cause I started to feel ill and ended throwing up all day long. It was terrible. No pictures unfortunately.

Some of the highlights from that time include:
Sleeping

Taking Pictures

Doing our Hair

And Just Generally Taking it Easy

Just Kidding, I Guess it was More Like This

But we did leave the house. And when we did, it was never too difficult to find a new friend or two

or three

Heck, I guess there were little friends everywhere.

But we went to beautiful place called Nargakot and had a wonderful getaway (in a tiny room together farting and burping the night away)

All in all it was a beautiful time.
More to come...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!!!!

2008-06-02T01:04:00.011-04:00

Congrats to my mother for turning another year young. Today, I have scanned some of my favorite photos of this incredible lady and I hope you will all join me in celebrating her life. I love you mom!

This was a teeny tiny mom, having some kind of dreamland birthday party, some forty years ago. I mean twenty. (cough cough). Twenty years ago. Oh, who am I kidding? If there's one woman who is honest as hell about who they are (including their age) it's my mom.

I've no idea where this was taken or what's happening, but I am intrigued by the face that is covered.

These are come classics. Here's mom posing with her cousin Evelyn. They are two peas in a pod:

This is when mom started getting a little rebellious and hanging out with bad seeds like Robyn here:

It wasn't easy to catch her during this time, as she was always on the move.

There was that time she ran away from home and spent a while in the forest living off berries and small game. This is where she learned her great cooking instincts.

Eventually though, we all pass through this young phase, and grow up to be calm, responsible adults. Mom learned to poopoo her old ways.

Pretty soon, Mom was a regular family woman. Sure it took a little getting used to. Like for instance, no one expects you to automatically know that small children shouldn't be dressed in insane Joan Crawford getups and handled by strange old women:

But we all learn from our mistakes. Alexis grew to be a mildly healthy child and just a short four years after she was born mom was ready with another surprise... ME!

I was an immediate success and mom was very well versed in child care by this point. Although that sink does look a bit small.

Anyway the point is we were all quite happy together and mostly everyone was just thrilled to have me around.

Even when I felt a bit testy.

Or a bit sleepy.

What an excellent mother. Her special touch kept me scratch free most of my life. I've still never broken a bone on my body, to this day. And we've had some dangerous adventures. Like, what mother could handle 4 kids at Busch Gardens? A Super-Mom. That's who.

Now as an adult, I can appreciate everything my beautiful mother has done for me. Still loving and respecting me after seeing me in my absolute worst moments ( and I mean WORST). Well, who could ask for a better role model. She even likes my boyfriends!

So thanks Mom, for everything. I hope you have a wonderful birthday and spend some relaxing time with a martini or two. You deserve it. After all, you made two of the most beautiful girls on earth. Who else can say that?
We love you, Mom. Happy birthday.

Catching Up, I SWEAR!

2008-05-28T19:21:00.012-04:00

Yeah,
So I know I haven't been around as it would seem. Yes, I have been home for over a week now, in fact two I believe. And I am just now getting around to updating my blog. Well, I'll tell you it hasn't been easy since I got home, but it sure was a nice transition back into America. I will have to make this monster of a post chronological from the most recent events and back. That way, I will be sure to remember most of what happened. I just want you all to be aware that this post will is dedicated to Nepal and my time there, but I have to get this other stuff out there first since it just happened and it's my excuse for not writing about Nepal yet.
So Charlotte and Zero were here in town for about 10 days. Here is a picture that the paparazzi took including both Zero and Sean Casey who I got cast in this film:

So Charlotte and Zero just left this evening. I was having an anxiety attack like I do these days when people leave, and after they left me I ran in place for about 10 minutes and then stretched to help me calm down a bit. It only kind of worked. Then I made some dinner and watched an old Tori DVD and sang out loud for a while and I feel much better now. I really think my anxiety levels come from so much unexpressed emotion. I mean when I had a car I would sing loudly constantly because I was alone, and I don't really do that anymore. Well, that's not why you came here folks: moving right along.

I took really no photos from Charlotte and Zeros visit, and I haven't uploaded the ones I did take, so we'll get those later. But I spent the whole first week of their visit working all day as a PA for the workshop of the new Broadway revival of All My Sons. I had no idea this was going to happen. I just say yes to whatever Cindy tells me to do, and I find myself in wonderful situations. I met the lovely cast and crew and my chances of returning this late summer to be an assitant to the director are very good. I hope this works out, although I am not holding my breath. I mean, I wouldn't be an assistant director, I would be an assistant TO the director, because Simon ( the director) wants his AD to be very focused on text, and then he can use me for whatever else he needs like I guess coffee, food, setup for rehearsal and exercises, and what not. It may sound rather lame, but I'm telling you just being in that room last week was such a blessing from whatever forces rule this earth. I love this director, his techniques, his influences, and the way he works. I learned so much just watching last week, even though I had to run out a few times and take care of business. I felt very respected and comfortable by the end of the week, and Simon hinted that he would need help when he comes back and I told him I would be thrilled to work with him. So, I hope that does it. It would be a fabulous job. Well, more on that. In the meantime, you should look this play up, I'm sure you can find some cool dish on it right now. Here's a link I found that tells basic info: http://www.newyorktheatreguide.com/news/may08/sons19may08.htm

Plus: Dianne Weist is the best person in the world, and I hope my mother can meet her one day. She would absolutely fall head over heels. same for John Lithgow. His acting is outstanding.

Nepal. Oh LORD. I am trying right now to upload my pictures to Flickr, but it is taking a lifetime, and for some reason the internet keeps cutting out. I think it knows I am conducting Nepal business. The internet there is what we who live life in the fast lane call frustrating. It's impossible to watch any video and it usually takes a year to lead your email. But there is something wonderfully freeing about that. I sort of got into it pretty quickly. It helped me focus on Justin.
Speaking of Justin, I'd be more surprised if we split than I would if we were to wed and have a few babies.

I can't understand how our relationship is so excellent, but it is. And I feel like one of the luckiest people to ever walk the earth. When we are together we never take advantage of our time, we just immediately behave with each other as though we have all the time in the world to love one another. It is nice living that way, but then I get home and I kick myself for not being more attentive in some way. I guess it has its pros and cons, like everything.

The beauty of Nepal is vast and varies from nature to people to spirit. Kathmandu was a bit of a mess, but it became home quickly, and even when Justin and I would leave for a couple of days, we would be so glad to get home and comfortable in his apartment again, snacking and watching House. I'm so caught up on House now. I watched all of Season 3 and whatever he had of Season 4. Love it.

Justin's friends are wonderful people. This is Sam.

He is probably the closest friend Justin has there. I wanted to spend all our time with him. He's from Portland, so lucky Charlotte and Zero will get to hang out with him when he gets home. Justin and I will have to wait. Then there's Ajay.

He is a husband/grandpa. I wanted to see him more than we did, but I think we'll see him back in America. Mike's back is in the picture wearing a red shirt: he is hilarious. I would definitely see him again. We laughed so much together.
It's amazing how normal all these Fulbright kids are. Some of them are even more slacker than me! I put some thought into getting a Fulbright, and I may still do it. I found out that Fulbright gives teaching assistantships which basically send you to a foreign country where you spend 20 hrs a week assisting English teachers and I'm sure they give priority to people who have some teaching training. And they go tons of places. Not Greece, unfortunately, but I could go anywhere later on. I am thinking about going to Chile. I love it there. I guess there are other places, but this one is special to me.

Back to Nepal:
The real beauty of the country lies in the villages.

You may have read Justin's blogs, you may know already, but it is a beautiful world there that most people born in America will never know anything about. The quality of life there is so simple and happy. People are happier and lighter there. They are not stressed out about anything. If they can feed themselves they are doing alright. Sure, there is the occasional sob story from someone who wants money, but even then it's not like New York where people harass you and invade your personal space. People in Nepal are very kind and polite. Except when they are crossing the street or driving a car. But that's all Kathmandu stuff.
There's also a great desire to learn. Children will come up to you on the trail and say "Hello, Book?" What they are doing is using the English they know in order to ask you to give them any book you may have. This is when my heart breaks and I want to start a program that just ships books to the children of the villages of small third world countries.

Wow. It is so amazing to be revisiting everything after a week and a half of immediate immersion in crazy NY working world. Thank God I had these last few days free with Charlotte. It was so relaxing. We also got to look back on our experiences with each other and reflect upon it.

There are some things I really want to post pictures of, and here are just a few. I feel like these stories will just have to tell themselves sometimes. Also I will put a link up to my flickr account where you can see an unabridged version of my visit.

This is the Kali Baba who lives on top of a hill and eats vegetables. His eyes are kind and sort of glazed over with happiness. We went there to see him twice. The second time he had three dogs staying there and they were beautiful and sweet and he was the most relaxing person to be around. I loved him. Here are a few others from that same day.

The veggies belong to the Baba, the decorating skills belong to a nice man who talked to us about his budding aspirations to start running a guest house, and the man with the paintings was a cutie who worked in this room painting and reconstructing the old paintings. He was remarkably nice.

These are some children who actually made my day when Justin and I were trekking.

They ran to us to take their picture and then played with us for a little while. Justin and I had been hanging out here all day:

so we were sort of blissed out already.

Update: Cindy called me to ask if I wanted to come and work in the office on a few projects they have coming up. I just say YES. Ten minutes later Lisa called to see if I wanted to get a job at her restaurant working as a shift cover, so I am going to train this weekend with her, which should be fun. That will be a nice way to make some extra money.
So, due to a million technical difficulties, I cannot finish this post tonight. But I really want to just get it up so you can all see some of the stuff I've been thinking on. I promise as soon as I can get all the pictures up and I can organize my thoughts, I can tell more linear stories. Love you all. More to come...

in nepal

2008-04-22T03:23:00.002-04:00

my stomach is usually in a terrible state, but the company is good. this country is so beautiful. there are some doodoo things going on in terms of actually waste management, but that's third world for you i guess. i love you ll. i would try to post a picture right now but the internet connection is terrible right now. i love you all family! i'm having a wonderful and safe time. justin and i are spending some very nice quality time together. charlotte and zeros visit was incredible and it was like the best family reunion. even tough it only lasted a week i'm so glad i got to be with everyone and have the wonderful experience.
i love you everyone.

by the way...

2008-03-21T17:19:00.003-04:00

Patrick Wilson, husband of all husbands, is playing Dan Dreiberg a.k.a Nite Owl in the upcoming movie of Watchmen. Check out him in his costume:

also, check out this excellent and creepy picture of Rorschach:

loveit. I can't wait for this movie!

TODAY AT WORK

2008-03-21T13:47:00.014-04:00

Well, today was indeed hilarious. Here are the people I met. Some of which are notably exciting!
In order of appearance (and it's okay to do this cause nobody but you guys really read my blog):

Simon McBurney. He's a great actor and a director. Most recently he was in The Golden Compass, but right now he's getting ready to direct an All My Sons revival on Broadway.

Josh Hartnett. You know him, You love him. HILARIOUS. SO HILARIOUS.

Except this is what he looked like today at the office:

GOT YOU. I wish he looked like that.

Patrick Wilson. I was almost shaking when I met him. I had to be the hostess and I am such a fan of his that I could hear my heart beating in my ears and throat. Oh GOD. Plus, he hasn't shaved in a while so he had some mannish stubble happening, and looked beautiful. You may remember him from Angels in America. OH GOD!

Logan Marshall Green. I mean look at this guy. I had to run to Starbucks for Simon and Cindy (and she hates making me do personal errands like that so she gave me money to buy myself a drink if I wanted cause she is an awesome boss)and when I got back I raced into the elevator and there was this impossible looking fellow standing there holding the door for me. He asked where the bathroom was and I said, "What's your name?" And he said, "Logan" and I said, "Follow me, My name is Nicole I work for blah blah blah..." more hilarity. LORD. He was SO nice though. Nicer than most other people.

Fred Weller. You may remember him from Basquiat. I've seen his face lots of places, but I think he's one of those, Oh yeah, I remember him from so and so.
here's another hilarious picture:

Adam Rothenberg. I don't really know him from much, but he was very kind. And I also saw him in the bathroom which was kind of funny.

Charlotte will like this one. Dallas Roberts. He played Angus on the L Word and I didn't even realize it until I met him today. It was really him! We loved Angus. Until he started acting all weird. I wish Dallas was still on the show. He was SO NICE to me and I will love him forever.

Well, there are a couple more, but nobody that you would care about, I think . I mean Josh Charles and Patrick Carroll both of whom were mostly blah and not particularly nice or charming in any way. Certainly no Patrick Wilson. Or Angus. HAHA! What a day.

In other news I am getting super amped about my trip to Nepal. For those who don't know I am leaving on April 5th, two days after my internship ends. I am very much excited about it, and Zero is coming here on the 4th so we get to spend the few days of traveling together and I am seriously excited about that. I didn't tell you guys but ZERO GOT A PART IN THE REBECCA MILLER MOVIE WE ARE CASTING! We were looking for visual artists to play these visual artists in the movie, and Cindy gave me the job of researching and finding people to play these roles, so of course I gave her pictures of all my friends and we ended up having a day of auditions with a bunch of my friends coming in. Lisa, Chris, Kiersten, Sean Casey, Pat Patterson, Kruppy, her friend Julia, my internet friend Danny (who is an incredible visual artist. dannycannizzaro.com is his website check it out. He's great and when he came in for the audition it was actually our first meeting in person! how cool is that?)
Anyway, Zero made an excellent video and sent it to me with Charlotte as the reader and HE GOT THE PART! Clif also sent in a video but I think his look was wrong. It was the same with all my other friends. Everyone just had the wrong look, except Zero and Sean Casey!!! So they ended up with the parts. We are casting one more guy this weekend and we're having Brendan come in and read for it, so I really hope he gets it. And Cindy said she could probably get Charlotte and I in there as extras for the scene they're shooting, and I really hope it happens, that would be SO fun. I especially hope it happens after I get home from Nepal!
The thing that gets me the hardest is that D.D. Lewis watched all the casting tapes with his wife, so he knows that somewhere out there exists this boy who only goes by one name. ZERO. And he knows that he is going to be in his wife';s movie. And I'll bet he liked his audition if Rebecca Picked him to do the film. She does everything Daniel says. His opinion weighs heavily on her casting decisions. Gosh, this life. If you need to be reminded who those freaks are:

Anyway, love you all! Daniel is coming into town next week and I am SO EXCITED.

EXCITING NEWS / RIVETING FOOTAGE

2008-02-29T15:00:00.004-05:00

HAPPY LEAP YEAR!
This is one cool day to get to see every four years! My grandma died on this day four years ago, and I want to dedicate today's entry to her. I love you and miss you very much, Arvena! I wish I wasn't at my work computer, otherwise I could post some pictures of her, but alas, I am a work loser. On another note, I just spent like three minutes thinking about how cool the name Arvena is. Why has nobody talked about that before? I mean that is a cool name. It's like a super hero name or something. Wow.

So.
This is the first image that comes up when you google image search leap year:

I support that.

NOW ONTO MORE EXCITING NEWS!

THIS COULD BE ME!

OR THIS COULD BE ME!

Last night my friend Sean Kasey and I applied for the Tesol online Certification course! It comes with a great discount cause we ordered together and what we end up with is the online course with tutor support and a free certificate course in teaching small children or business adults. I haven't yet decided whether or not i want to kids or the businessmen, but I tend towards the kids even though there might be more work in the business department. But what's great is that it is just another certificate and is not necessary to getting a job with children or businessmen, but it could help!
So, I am very excited. The online course is so much more inexpensive and I am lookig forward to having a friend go through it with me. At first I was like, "Is this legit? It seems to good to be true!" But it is. I have talked to 3 real people on the phone already, 2 of which were incredibly helpful and nice, and definitely convinced me that this is the real deal.
Sean and I are very much looking forward to this great opportunity for work.
I was just noticing online the other day a few different jobs in Greece. I could work 25 hour weeks for 2000 Euros a month and 4 weeks paid vacation with health insurance and pension plans or something (there were two jobs one was for 800-100 euros and one was for 2000). It sounded insane! I don't really know where this will lead, but I do know that even being able to work in the US is a great thing for me. The pay can be really good, and I can work part time and still support myself and have the ability to travel the globe, and help people who want to learn!
I am really excited also about the idea of working with children. maybe not just young young kids, but even teenagers. The prospects of what this opportunity holds are vast, and I look forward to having this skill under my belt!
YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I seem to remember Marcus doing this in the past, Marcus maybe you and I could talk a little about this so i feel more secure in my preparation.

NOT KIDDING AROUND.

2008-02-25T23:48:00.006-05:00

OK. I CAME HOME FROM WORK TODAY AND IT LOOKED LIKE BRODIE HAD EATEN PARTS OF HIMSELF AND LEFT HUGE PATCHES OF LEFTOVERS ALL OVER THE CARPET. LIKE BIG LOOSE WADS OF HAIR WERE ON THE CARPET. I JUST VACUUMED IT TWO DAYS AGO. IT'S BRAND NEW HAIR. FAST FORWARD. CUT TO. TONIGHT. RIGHT NOW. GETTING IN BED, GETTIN ALL CUDDLY WITH NOBODY EXCEPT MAYBE THE PROSPECTS OF CHECKING MY EMAIL AND, WAIT... HOLD ON A MINUTE. WHAT'S THAT ON THE BLANKET? WHAT COULD THAT BE? I REACHED FOR IT IN ALARM AND QUICKLY REALIZED IT WAS INDEED A HUGE WAD OF THE CAT'S HAIR ON MY BED. THEN I TAKE A CLOSER LOOK AND REALIZE THAT THERE'S NOT JUST A FEW HAIRS AND IT'S NOT JUST THAT ONE WAD. THERE IS A LAYER. ACTUAL LAYER OF CAT HAIR ON THE BLANKET.

I KEEP THE PAINTING IN THE DOORWAY CONSTANTLY.
HOW THE HELL (HELL!) COULD THE CAT HAVE GOTTEN INTO MY ROOM AND SPENT ENOUGH TIME ON MY BED TO HAVE LEFT AN ENTIRE LAYER AND ALSO A BIG LOOSE WAD OF HIS HAIR. SOMETIMES THEY SAY WE'LL NEVER KNOW. IN THIS CASE, I WILL DIE BEFORE I LET THIS MYSTERY GO UN-INVESTIGATED.

UNCOMFORTABLY SIGNING OUT.
NICOLE

THE CULPRIT

mixed bag

2008-02-20T17:12:00.006-05:00

WORK IS SLOW. weird. for the first time in weeks. for me anyway. adam is really busy. but it's not stuff i can help him with. i don't know why. i am excited about the lunar eclipse tonight. me and my building buddies are going to get up on the roof and watch it with some beers maybe. i don't know. i guess i could drink a beer. i've got a lot cooking right now up in my noggin. couldn't possibly talk about it right now. i'll have to check back later.

those are the beautiful flowers justin sent. i still can't believe how awesome it was. the only problem with orchids is that when cut they don't last very long. mine are so close to the edge. it hasn't been a week yet!

this pic is just for fun. i love my mirror alexis got me for christmas. it looks great with my old vanity pouch that i think my great aunt gave me ages ago. i could post more pics of the apt, but i will just have to do that later. i almost feel guilty spending my whole day at work on the computer doing personal business.

on a separate note i got to meet rebecca miller the other day. i'm not really supposed to talk about work stuff outside of work, but this is not really anything special. i was still really excited though. and the next day i went to her house to deliver a dvd. i didn't go in, but i did see into the foyer. i think she and robin wright penn were working all day yesterday. and now the big cheese (cindy) is in LA. they're going to see a few more girls, but the big reason rebecca is going there to be with her hubby at the oscars (d.d-lewis). i want to die when i think about being married to him. and then i REALLY think about it and it is kind of weird. i know that they are very intimate. they are very close and try to spend as little time apart as possible. but he gets SO into his roles. and she is a mess about this movie. somehow they swing it. and have two children. i like being busy, but i also need to relax. like, most of the time.
anyway, i need to post his right now cause it just turned into tomorrow. i for got to publish his yesterday when he eclipse info was relevant. anyway, it was beautiful. it looked like the moon was wrapped in shadow and flame.

been a long time

2008-02-14T15:35:00.004-05:00

yes, i know i haven't been around much. but i love you guys! while my mom tries to figure out how to comment, i am working on learning how to talk about non-boring things. i will say that i talk about justin a lot. but i guess i spend a lot of time in my head with him. and it's really exciting that i get to go to nepal to visit. so that's been on my mind. i had a great mail day the other night. i came home from work and kiersten came into my room with a handful of mail all for me! I got a card from Dad, a little package from Scott, a letter from Charlotte, and a letter from Justin! When I told Kruppy about the mail I got she asked me if I cried. It's true getting great mail is really unbeatable. But i've been so sort of good at it lately. Also, I want to apologize for my capitalization versus my non-capitalization. since the internship started i have had to write many an email with proper grammar, capitalization, and punctuation. needless to say it has leaked into my home life, and i am now experiencing a frightening case of uncontrollable capitalization. sometimes it works out, and sometimes no.
so today is the day after Valentine's day. i want you all to know that justin sent me the most beautiful orchids from NEPAL! well the orchids aren't from nepal, but he is right now. when the delivery man came i thought they were for sure from my mom or something. anyway i read the card, and then i sort of broke down. like pretty hardcore. and then my upstairs neighbor heard me sobbing and came downstairs and i opened my front door and she was waiting there to hug me. it was really sweet. we made great valentines for one another. she cheered me up a lot. i just got so caught up feeling like i had no idea why i was away from the people i love. it's something i come back to often being here. there are people i love here. this is true. but certainly the most important people in my life are not really here with me at all. they are a bit scattered in fact. so i felt pretty hard about it all. anyway, jenna (my wonderful upstairs friend/ neighbor) and I ate tons of delicious snacks and drank wine and watched an episode of ren and stimpy, a dvd of radiohead videos, some portishead, and tool videos, and looked at vintage still pinup photos that scott chapman recently sent me in the mail day package i received. they are beautiful. i will have to scan some photos so you can all see.
i have pictures of the flowers justin got me that i can also scan. and i took a bunch of photos of the apartment as well. so give me a little time, and i'll have all that prepared for you.
love you all. happy doodoo day.
and HAPPY BIIRTHDAY KATIE!!!

Crisis Averted

2008-02-07T15:33:00.000-05:00

I have now changed the settings on my comments so you do not have to be a google member to leave a comment. Anyone can leave comments!
So please, by all means, don't stop yourself.
I can't believe it took me so long to realize that I could fix that issue.
I kept wondering why my mom, dad, and Alexis had never commented on anything until Alexis was like, I tried to comment once but it wanted me to enter all this information and then my credit card number (joke) and i was like, oh god i hate that. so now nobody has to worry about all that mess.
ok, going to bed.
In closing, here is one of the first things I made on my creative quest with my printer scanner copier after moving to New York. I love it:

Barbados Dreams

2008-02-03T14:31:00.000-05:00

i like to think of this photo as our john and yoko photo. but it isn't really.
anyway, i had forgotten about it, and i was organizing all my flickr sets and collections and looking around at all my lovely photos, and i stumbled upon it and thought, i ought to upload that for any of my non-flickr readers out there. or just people who may not look at my photos constantly the way i do.

so i was thinking about it, and what happens in like 20 years? do i still have my flickr account, or what will become of it? oh questions.

so, thinking about my life. what will become of me. i don't know. one thing i do know is that JUSTIN GOT MY TICKETS TO VISIT NEPAL!!!!!!!!!!! i leave April 5th and return May 6th. this is very exciting. i have no idea what i'm going to do in terms of rent or bills while i am not working that whole month, but i'm hoping things just fall in to place for me. i'm picking up as many shifts at the hotel as possible, and i got a few calls for some catering jobs this month, so i may yet get some work to save money. the thing though about catering that i am coming to terms with right now: I HATE IT. like, the thought of going to a venue and wearing that outfit is making me physically ill. i never knew i could hate something so suddenly and so vehemently. i don't know if i am going to be able to go back to it.

what i'm hoping, is that this internship will help me get one or both of these two things:
1. an agent. or a meeting with one so i can start trying to get some acting work.
2. some connections to get on a set as a PA or AD. (that's production assistant and assistant director, for those of you non-industry types out there). i just really wanna start getting some set experience. something i am coming to realize is that i'm too attached to projects to let them go before they even begin production. casting is so early in the game. i like the process of creating the film or the play. so, that's the next step i think.

and then the next steop after that is getting tons of money for doing either or both of those things. haha. whatever.

Real Quick

2008-01-29T16:30:00.000-05:00

sylvan \SIL-vuhn\, adjective:
1. Of or pertaining to woods or forest regions.
2. Living or located in a wood or forest.
3. Abounding in forests or trees; wooded.

noun:
1. A fabled deity or spirit of the woods.
2. One that lives in or frequents the woods or forest; a rustic.

that is what i would like to be described as one day.

Pictures of Wonderful Old Men

2008-01-29T10:49:00.000-05:00

My mom just wrote to me yesterday to tell me that they are having a memorial ceremony for my Papou this weekend at the Greek church. My grandfather was an incredible man, and I wish I had tons of pictures of him to post so I could have my own little blog memorial to him. Oh wait! I can:

My Papou was one of the finest gentlemen I have ever known. I used to take for granted how strong he was. I thought he would outlive us all. I know now that it was just his legend.

I've actually been thinking about him quite a bit recently, and I wasn't exactly sure why. I think I had a dream the other night that I sent mom and email about how much I missed him. Weird. She wrote me just last night to say they were having a service. I guess it has been a whole year.
wow.

Well, on a brighter note, I found out Wes Anderson is doing a new film which is an animated feature by the studios who did the movie Robots and Ice Age: Meltdown. It is called The Fantastic Mr. Fox. and it is a screenplay he wrote based on the book by Roald Dahl. Well, you can imagine my excitement. I've been coming to the conclusion recently that Roald Dahl is one of my favorite writers of all time. I mean just in terms of the short story, he is a master of not only storytelling, but every general sense of wry. That man is a pastrami on wry. I want to read my children all of his books out loud. I also was thinking about how fun it would be when Justin gets back if we took Jenny (or also Reagan) on a trip and were able to read one of his books out loud in the car, or the tent, or the hotel or whatever. I just love reading aloud, and I love that little grilled cheese on wry. By the way, do you remember what he looks like?

oh wait, i mean:

but what about:

i think we have a winner.

no, but seriously guys, he used to be young just like everyone else, and he was quite a handsome man:

Anyway, the point of all this is that I need to figure out how to get myself involved in this film. Voice work, intern work, dusting mics, baking cupcakes, i don't know, but there's got to be something i can do. I mean the studio is in White Plains! I would go out there daily.

So, i'll leave you all with one final thought for today. A self portrait by Mr. BLT Hold the Mayo on Wry:

favorite flickr funnies part 3!

2008-01-24T19:45:00.001-05:00

oh god. this is a picture that i favorited on flickr before i ever met this incredible dog:

these are so good. they make your heart laugh!

this one is not as funny as it is beautiful.

it is the proportions in this one:

he really gets away with it. i think it's because he's rob. (aside from the fact that he's just clearly pulling it off) there's a great shape to that head.

Today marks the end of my three week work-week. tomorrow is my day off. nothing better than brunch and cleaning the house. mom, i love you. i got your package today and i am so pleased with every part of it. especially the notecards. oh gosh, do you read this thing? i guess i should call you. yes, i will definitely call you. and alexis. i need to call her too. oh i love you both.

i have an audition-ish thing at studio center, or tonic studios this monday. i think it is just a demo or something. the girl i talked to on the phone was so nice. we'll see how that goes. i have a suspicion that my desire to do voice work seriously outweighs my voice talent. well, maybe i could get a part time job in the studio later on or something. i like production a lot. then i wouldn't have to work at catering jobs where super rich white people don't know what asparagus is. actually, there are also some super rich black people that don't know what asparagus is either. what is wrong with this country?

ok. well sorry about that.

tragedy!

2008-01-22T19:46:00.000-05:00

oh dear. they found Heath Ledgers' body in Mary-Kate Olsen's apartment. a masseuse came to give him a massage or something and when they came in to tell him he was lying on the floor unresponsive. apparently there was a bottle of pills near his body.
not only was he so beautfiul and actually talented, but he was a daddy. i bet Michelle Williams is having the hardest time right now. i feel for her.
Heath Ledger, i did not know you, but i'm sorry you died. i am actually so sorry. here's to your last screen performance:

i will miss you. at least watching you at your profession.

i have to correct my mistake:
apparently mary kate olsen does not own property at the SoHo apartment building he was found in. which makes me feel a little better. although the masseuse thing is real. and i don't know how that makes me feel.

favorite flickr funnies part 2!

2008-01-21T22:13:00.000-05:00

okay, these are great hilarious closeups:

i know you like that last one of kyler. every time i see it i explode with laughter.

these are crude, but still funny:

these are just awesome:

these last two are just plain ballin':

well, i hoped you all laughed. don't worry. i have another installment coming tomorrow.

who would have thought?

2008-01-21T13:56:00.001-05:00

well, i was on flickr looking around at my stats (which is a great idea if you are a flickr member and if you haven't gotten your stats activated yet, i would strongly suggest it) and i thought i should go ahead and post the number one viewed picture on my flickr account of all time.

Ta Da! believe me, i am as stunned as you are. then i looked at where all the views were coming from, and i was directed to a website that has been referring the entire contents of my "boys will be girls" photo set on their website for cross-dressing, tranny, photos. how weird. i now am wondering whether to make these photos private. i guess i could leave it up to justin. although i do think it is hilarious that THAT picture is the one most people go for.

on another note, i want to post some of my flickr favorites. i was looking at them yesterday and laughing so hard. i also realized that most of my favorite photos are of people. my friends, namely, and there are so many hilarious ones. especially of luci. oh boy. get ready. without further ado:

oh, poop. now i'm sad because blogger is acting up and i can't seem to upload any more right now. i'll have to create part two. get excited!! anyway, this was a good start. and justin, congrats for being my number one!

you take the good, you take the bad

2008-01-20T12:10:00.000-05:00

you take the rest and then you make cookies. and then you take a nap. that's what i want.

the good news is i saw blonde redhead last night and it was amazing. i had alot of fun with kiersten. we got to see the show from a nice view, and this lovely lady next to us smelled like carlyn all night and i was intoxicated by her delicious nostalgic scent. the bad news is that literally seconds ago while searching for pictures from last night's show i found out that the mars volta played at the same (incredible) venu LAST MONDAY. how's that for kicking myself? january 14th the mars volta played down the street and i didn't even know about it. great. i felt really good about myself. almost as good as i felt about this picture from that show:

anyway i can't find any pictures from last night's performance, but there isn't much i could post at this point to trump that picture of cedric with that wicked snake backdrop. kazu had the cutest little white swiss/german looking dress on and her little knobby knees were poking out all night long. and my man on guitar was thrashing hard. at one point he threw himself to the ground like a little boy having a temper tantrum so he could thrash harder. i loved it. also, he had some nice moments with kazu. i've only seen the band one other time; it was at the norva when they opened for interpol, and they were nothing like they were last night. there was more jamming and dancing than i had previously seen and i was so happy about it. also the show was sold out and the crowd was huge and fun to look down on (cause kiersten and i were way higher(better) than everyone. just kidding, but we were on the third floor. yay for live music. it always makes me wish that i was playing live music. ever.

oh dip ya'll

2008-01-18T22:54:00.000-05:00

i went to my job at the hotel today and they gave me my weekly check. except this time there was not one but three! i was like, three? i wonder why i have three checks, and i opened them and almost flew through the roof of the restaurant. there was a check from before christmas that i never picked up that was from when i was working almost every day!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i think i'm going to be able to pay my rent this month, and i didn't even expect it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you have no idea, well, i'm sure you have some idea how ecstatic i was. today was actually wonderful. i love you all.

I'M GOING TO NEPAL!

2008-01-18T11:40:00.001-05:00

have you ever loved your boss? i'm not sure i have before now, but suddenly i think i am going to cry. i sent my boss' associate (also my boss) an email last night asking his advice about what i should do about planning my trip to nepal in april and if it was smart to leave for as long a a month. then in the next paragraph i made it very clear how much i love being their intern and every day i wish i did more for them. and i am totally serious. anyway, he emailed me back like almost right away and basically gushed to me about how much they love my at the office. and that we should certainly try to figure out a plan for working around my trip to nepal. i was very happy.
then this morning, actually just minutes ago, my Boss (the big cheese) came in and said to me, "i think you should go to nepal. just do it. and if you come back here or we get you get a different job we'll just wait until you get back. i mean, that's what i think. i don't know, i could be wrong."

and i almost died. they love me and i love them an truthfully it's all professional but hey, who's counting. i am. i guess.

i was so happy i felt like this:

or maybe this:

this is my first experience with not hating going to a job every day. i actually love it. and i get excited about it. now, if only i was making any money...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JUSTIN!

2008-01-16T14:00:00.000-05:00

happy birthday justin. these are some wonderful photos of us:
i have to give a big great shout out to charlotte for unknowingly allowing me to raid her flickr account. i love you!!

this one is particularly beautiful:

OH MY GOD, HOW DID THAT ONE GET IN THERE?! I AM SO EMBARASSED.

i like that one.

ok, so i know that last one is not of you, but i thought it was worth it, since it is your birthday. and who else would you really want to see?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY LOVEY! I KNOW IT'S NOT QUITE YOUR BIRTHDAY HERE, BUT IT'S ABOUT 5 AM IN NEPAL RIGHT NOW, SO HAVE A GREAT DAY!

work/life update '08

2008-01-15T16:14:00.000-05:00

i'm at work right now. today has been okay, up until recently when my head began exploding and now all i want to do is die. or go home. it's really cold today. it's supposed to snow. i am pretty far behind in my personal life. i have so much mail to send out, bank runs, and other errand type stuff to do, but i can't seem to get any of it done. plus by the time i get home at night i'm so effing tired that i can't even clean the house anymore.

update!!!!!!
its the next day, and last night was very nice. i came home and kiersten was being a little cutie an vacuuming the rug. she had also already cooked dinner and wondered if i was hungry. i almost cried i loved her so much. then i told her i bought her a ticket to see blonde redhead this saturday with me and she almost cried. it was very cute. then, after a failed attempt to reach charlotte so we could watch the l word together (through gmail chat), i fell asleep at 10:00 pm and slept hard all night. until at 6:45 kiersten's alarm starting going off. but that was okay. i must have needed the sleep. when i got up this morning my eyes were stuck together and i had the puffiest face ever.

on the forefront of my mind is justin's birthday and the planning of the trip to go and see him. in the latest email i got from him he talked about me cominf and overlapping with charlotte and then after she leaves having a couple weeks to ourselves. i think that sounds perfect. i want to experience that place with both of them so much and i think being there at the same time as charlotte is a great idea. i also thinkit's funny that i'm writing my blog like charlotte and justin aren't the only two people whoactually read it. well, zero does. i suppose i should tell people about it. if it gets interesting. love you!

day dreams/ night job

2008-01-10T21:57:00.000-05:00

can you believe i got a guy that looks like this?! i mean, gosh. he's like some sort of super beauty. i don't know why god loves me. but i thank him.
so today was nice. when justin left to go back after his incredible surprise visit, i went into another mini depression. it was really short but very intense. i guess i'm coming out of it, but i still feel pretty down about where i am a lot of the time. i love my friends here, and i cannot deny the great opportunities, but sometimes it is just too much. too much concrete, too much fragrance (or odor would be more fitting), too much trash, too much money, too little money depending on where you go, too much dissatisfaction. i don't want the magic of visiting this place to be gone forever. but i guess it couldn't be. there really is something wonderful about bing here. temporarily. without too much work stress. making life work can be a hard road here, and nobody but nobody wants to give you a hand. sometimes i really feel it is my neighborhood that makes me feel so hopeless. probably because i don't see a lot of hopeful people around me. but anyway, today was great.
my internship is amazing. i learn a lot. every day. and i work for the coolest people out there in casting. they are so appreciative and warm and helpful, and they pay me! i know they like me, too. i couldn't imagine working for anyone else. i couldn't imagine being anyone else's intern, that's for sure. there are so many agencies and casting offices out there with tons of stressed out people running around like assholes with their shit flying all over and i get to be in a cute little office with two very intelligent, kind, generous, and good-humored people who love what i do for them. i am very lucky for that.
i miss justin pretty bad. but i think about him constantly and that seems to help a little. seeing his face is good too. i'm so happy i took so many pictures of him with my camera. although i wish i had taken a hundred more. especially during the days we were in winston salem. i wish i had more of the family. and charlotte and zero. and reagan and jenny. oh lord.

well now it's done and i didn't even mean to do it.

2008-01-10T00:32:00.001-05:00

i guess that's al there is. now i have one more website to neglect horribly and end up feeling bad about later. how do you change the colors around and the font and stuff with these templates anyway?
ps: there is an actual monster mosquito in my bedroom. eating me alive. in JANUARY!